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2002-04-06 - 11:44 a.m.

i've been crying all day.

this is so not what i need right now.

jeremy sent me a letter he wrote around christmas break detailing how he *knew* we were meant to be together. i have no idea what to do about all this shit. i know how i feel and i know what i want, but shit. i feel so heavy inside.

i got pretty trashed last night. apparently i send emails when im trashed. everyone who replied deleted the message they were responding to, so im lost. i have no idea what went on in my brain last night. i know i spent a lot of it being "that girl"... you know... the weeping drunk. or at least that's what jesse said.

i want to go to sleep for days. days and days. and when i wake up - everything is all fixed and good and everyone is happy and no one has any issues or defects.

and there are flowers. lots and lots of flowers. and morrisey is waving them around. ha ha ha. heaven is apparently everyones favorite androgenous 80s band member waving flora and fauna around.

bullshit. i hate today. i don't want to go to work.

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